Breaking News: Ben Bernancke shoots himself in the foot.
By Tolkamp, March 20th 2009.
In a surprise development today Ben Bernancke, Chairman of the federal Reserve Bank has been rushed to hospital after suffering severe wounds to the foot. A hospital spokesman informed us that, although the wounds are not life threatening, mr Bernancke will have to undergo an operation and several months of physiotherapy. Mr Bernancke's secretary, Mrs Joan Pazzo, told us that mr Bernancke likes to shoot with his Winchester from the windows of his offices to all kind of objects in the garden.
"Last week, he shot by mistake the left front tyre of the Volkswagen Beetle of Mr Cutten, a pensioner who lives around the corner. He apologised to mr Cutten and would promise never to use his Uzi semi-automatic machinegun again. It relaxes him, you know. He is under so much pressure, and actually this is the only hobby he has, besides high impact aerobics. This morning I noticed that the door was open and I slowly entered the office. I have to be careful you know, he tried to shoot me before. He was sitting on the floor in a pool of blood and told me he was practising a new trick which is a mixture of a Karate movement and shooting from the hip. Poor man, he has too many irons in the fire".
Mr Bernancke himself was contacted and asked if he also "was too big to fail". He declined to comment.